The Heero's Electronics Saga
by The Blue Seeress
Summary: This is the saga that started with Heero's Laptop. They're humor fics with Heero, Wufei, Duo and Heero's...survelliance...tendencies. Also a few other characters. Please R&R, now finally complete! I finished something!!!!
1. Heero's Laptop

*disclaimer* I don't own them. But I do own a laptop.   
  
AN: Did you know that vanilla is 35% alcohol? This story is the product of two family sized bottles and a generous helping of butterscotch. It's good stuff!   
  
Part I: Heero's Laptop   
  
Heero is in his apartment hacking away at government security on his ever present laptop when he is interrupted by a knock on the door. He sighs and rapidly commits all the clearance codes he just picked up to memory and heads towards the door. He pauses to check his eternal spandex shorts for his omnipresent handgun and then opens the door.   
  
To find a braided and violet eyed American standing there.   
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" Duo shifts around uncomfortably.   
  
"Um, well, Wufei and I had a fight. I stormed out because he was being stubborn and then I hear a little click and find out the door's locked. And I, uh, don't have a key."   
  
Heero curses himself momentarily for not moving away when they moved in next door. "And you're here because..."   
  
"Because I knew you would let me stay here until Wufei gets his temper under control."   
  
"..." Heero wonders what Wufei would do to him if he shot Duo in the leg.   
  
"Thanks Hee-chan, I knew I could count on you."   
  
  
"But I..." Duo pushes past Heero in to the apartment. Heero turns around to find him standing in the living room looking around.   
  
"Nice pad, Heero. Where do I sleep?"   
  
"...On the couch. And just for tonight."  
  
"No problem, Wu-chan will probably be over here begging me to come back in the morning. He's really actually very soft, now that the wars over, and he can't stand slee-"   
  
Heero loses what little control he achieved. "Shut up!" He pauses and takes a deep breath. "All right, I'm going to bed now. You get some sleep, or at least keep quiet." He heads towards his room, but turns back around suddenly. "And don't touch the laptop."   
  
"Roger-dodger, Hee-chan." Duo flashes his huge smile at Heero, who rolls his eyes and stalks off to his room.   
  
  
Duo rolls over on the couch and prepares to sleep. Then rolls over again. And again. He tosses around for a few minutes then sits up and shivers.   
  
"I miss Wu-chan," he whines plaintively. His eyes fall on the flat black box on the coffee table. "So that's Heero's laptop." He reaches towards it then jerks his hands back. "No, Heero said not to touch it." he wrestles with himself momentarily and suddenly develops split personalities.   
  
"How's he gonna know? One look won't hurt, right?"  
  
"But he said not too. He might have some way to find out."   
  
"What's it gonna do? Sound an alarm?"  
  
"Actually, I'm more worried it'll self detonate."  
  
"..."   
  
"And besides, he's being nice and letting us stay here. We shouldn't mess with his private stuff. Now go to sleep!" Duo suddenly snaps back to a single personality, shrugs and rolls over.   
  
Ten seconds later, he has rolled over and snapped open the cover of the laptop.   
  
"Figures, he turned it off. Well, this button ought to turn it on." He hits the green button at the top right corner of the keyboard. A loud tone sounds. "Damn machine! Quiet!" He listens anxiously for a few minutes, then breathes a sigh of relief when Heero doesn't storm out of his room. "What?! Password? Great what would be his password?" He types wingzero and it says "access denied" really loudly. "Damn computer!" He tries omaeokorosu. Access denied. duoishot. Access denied. "Great, it's going to lock any moment now and I'm outta ideas. Hey maybe..." He types relenasucks and it goes through. "That's it? 'relenasucks' is the password? Hn, go figure." The laptop has fully loaded now. "Hey check out the background. I had no idea he kept that picture of us after the Marimea fiasco." Duo holds a mini-debate with himself on whether to explore Heero's favorite's list or his files first. Favorites.   
  
He activates the explorer icon and clicks the favorites menu. "Hn, they're all numbers. Oh well, only one way to find out. A passworded page!" Duo makes a sound of disgust. 'Well, I'm fed up with trying to figure out his passwords. I'll try the next. Another! Passwords! More passwords! INJUSTICE!!!!" Duo suddenly realizes he has been shouting at the top of his lungs. He ruefully acknowledges that Wufei has had a lot of influence on him as he quickly snaps the laptop shut of flings himself down on the couch. He has barely settled in when Heero comes in.   
  
"What the hell!" he shouts furiously. Duo sits up and looks sheepish.   
  
"Sorry Hee-chan. I was dreaming about Wufei." Duo thinks very quickly when lying. "You see, we were-"   
  
"Never mind. I don't want to know." It was dark, but it seems to Duo like Heero is blushing. "Try not to be so vocal in your dreams." Heero stalks back into his room. After Duo is satisfied he's not coming back out, he sits back up and opens the laptop again.   
  
"All right, I'm fed up with all his passworded favorites. I'll try the last one and move on to the files." He manipulates the trackpad* to the favorites list one last time and selects the last one. He stares at it in shock for a few minutes and then works valiantly to suppresses the urge to burst out laughing. "Well what do you know. Heero's into hentai. Veeeery interesting page, Hee-chan."   
  
After examining the page from top to bottom and all it's links, Duo holds another mini-debate with himself. Files or give the favorites list another try. The argument is won as he glances at his watch. "Hn, it's 4:30 already**. Heero usually goes out jogging at 5, so I'd better wrap this up quick. Files it is." Duo opens up the "my computer" icon, noticing in passing that it's a picture of wing zero. A folder marked "Security Cam" catches his eye. He activates it to find a bunch of video files marked with dates. The one at the top right is marked "Current". "Oh God, he could have a camera trained on me right now! I'd better check it. He taught me some stuff about sabotaging files, but I'm not sure I remember them all." Full of apprehension, Duo opens it. He doesn't see himself, but a large double bed with a patterned cover over it. The design on the cover is strangely familiar, as is the figure sleeping in the bed. "Kisama!! He's got a camera in our room!"   
  
Duo holds yet another debate with himself. "How do I tell him without letting him know I was in his laptop? I can't let him know that! But I can't let him have a spy camera in our room either. And I can't tell Wufei, he'll just bull in here and hold Heero at sword point and might even kill him! So I'll have to tell Heero-"   
  
"Tell Heero what?" a cold voice interrupts. Duo winces as he realizes that the voice belongs to Heero. "Why are you in my laptop?" Heero's voice carries overtones of glaciers and daggers. Duo winces again, and decides to try to make a deal.   
  
"I'll tell you what Heero. You don't get mad at me and I won't get mad at you."   
  
"Why would you be mad at me?"   
  
"I don't know Heero, but I think most would be offended if someone else was spying in their bedroom." Heero's face suddenly fills with chagrin. "I'll tell you what, if you dismantle it and never remantle it, I won't tell Wufei."   
  
"..." Heero suddenly realizes that what Wufei would do to him if he ever knew would probably be moderately horrendous. "Deal. But first you've got to be able to talk to Wufei and get back in the house."   
  
"I'll go take care of it right now." Duo makes a move towards the door, but turns around. "Heero?"   
"Hn?"   
  
"Why did you put a camera in our room?" An annoyed look crosses the Perfect Soldier's face.   
  
"So that if either of you ever came over here to make me straighten out your fights, I'd know what really happened!"   
  
"That's a great idea, Hee-chan!"   
  
"...it is?"   
  
"Yeah, next time we have a fight, you can be our mediator! I've changed my mind Heero, don't take it out." Duo flashes a huge smile at Heero, who blanches at the thought. As Duo leaves, he logs back on to his laptop.   
  
"Now let's see. What's the cost of living in Machu Pichu?"   
  
-End   
  
*Track pads are bloody annoying!!! It's all about the track balls and track points!   
**It occurs to me the whole timing thing might be confusing. Duo walks in at about midnight. It's about an half hour later when he starts playing with the laptop. He takes about one and a half hours before shouting "injustice" at the passworded pages. It's about 2 in the morning now. At 2:15, he's back on the laptop looking at Heero's hentai page. He examines every single corner, and it is now 4:30. 'K?   
  
Well, that was interesting. Let me know if it just wasn't funny, I'm writing this part sober and I don't know...   
  
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank and apologize. First if all, sorry Heero and Duo, I didn't really mean for this to come out this way. I intended a much worse ending, but I still bashed you guys a bit. I would like to say right now that all the G-boys are awesome and I love them all to death. Special thanks to you, the readers (or rather the reviewers), and also to J.R.R. Tolkein, who gave me the idea for Duo's split personality thing after reading his Lord of the Rings series. Now that you're done, REVIEW!!!! Pretty please?   
  
-TBS 


	2. Heero's Camera

Alright, after three people asked me to do a sequel to Heero's Laptop, I decided to humor you guys. So it's a few months after the fact, ask me if I care. This is in script form because I can. Warning: shounen-ai and limes. Disclaimer: DAMMIT I DON'T OWN THEM!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SADISTS HAPPY NOW!!! *blinks* Oops, sorry ^_^'  
  
Narrator: Heero is running in fear of his life. Why, you ask? Well, you would be too if Wufei was chasing you with his katana and swearing in Chinese. Why is Wufei doing this? Well, you know Wufei, he doesn't ever really need a reason for the things he does...   
  
Wufei: *pauses momentarily to yell at the narrator* Weak baka! You will explain the real reason instantly! *starts at him with the katana*   
  
Heero: *takes a breather behind a couch*   
  
Narrator: Eep! Sorry! *waves white flag*   
  
Wufei: *ignores white flag*   
  
Narrator: *screams frantically* Cue flashback before he kills me!   
  
Blue Seeress: Ask nicely. *files nails*   
  
Narrator: *looks with apprehension at the katana at his chest and gulps* Will the almighty first Seeress, the most beautiful Blue One, consent to spare the life of her humble slave, who is most unworthy, from the fate of being skewered by this unholy blasphemer-   
  
Wufei: *jabs him*   
  
Narrator: YOUCH! Fine, this vicious warrior by deigning to commence the perfect flashback she herself created?   
  
Blue Seeress: Hmmm...   
  
Wufei: *drives katana a little deeper*   
  
Narrator: PLEEEAAAASE?   
  
Blue Seeress: Oh alright. *cues flashback*   
  
!!...FLASHBACK...!!   
  
(Fade in on Wufei and Duo's bedroom. They are lying around after having done...things. A sesame oil bottle stands on the bedside table, as well as a tub of Vaseline and a...box.)   
  
Duo: Aisheturu, Wu-chan.   
  
Wufei: Wo ai ni. *looks up at the ceiling and notices a blinking red light* Duo, do you know what that is?   
  
Duo: *also looks up, and recognizes it as the Hee-cam, stiffens in fear* Um...probably the smoke detector.   
  
Wufei: No, the smoke detector is over there. *points*   
  
Duo: Oh. Well, then I don't know what it is.   
  
Wufei: I'll check it out. *gets up*   
  
Duo: *breaks out in a sweat*   
  
Wufei: It's a video camera! How did a fucking camera get in here?   
  
Duo: Heero put it in here.   
  
Wufei: WHAT!!!?   
  
Duo: *curses his big mouth* Uh, I mean...   
  
Wufei: YUY!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!! *grabs katana and runs in the direction of Heero's apartment*   
  
Duo: Oh shit.   
  
!!...END FLASHBACK...!!   
  
Blue Seeress: Now you know.   
  
Narrator: Wufei has mercifully left me alone and has returned to chasing Heero. Heero doesn't look like he's going to last long...   
  
Heero: Zakkenayo! I can run for as long as he can!   
  
Wufei: Omae o Korosu!   
  
Heero: That's my line!   
  
Wufei: Go to Hell, Yuy! The great Nataku will take vengence on you for your injustice!   
  
Heero: What injustice!?   
  
Wufei: That !@#$%^&* camera!   
  
Heero: Kuso! How did you..   
  
Wufei: Duo told me.   
  
Heero: ARRRGH! DUO O KOROSU!!   
  
Wufei: Not if I kill you first! Stay away from my koi!   
  
Blue Seeress: Wufei, have you noticed that you're still not wearing anything and you're covered in sesame oil?   
  
Wufei: *stops dead and blushes*   
  
Narrator: My virgin eyes!   
  
Wufei: *runs to get some clothes*   
  
Heero: *tries to laugh, but is too out of breath* Funny that no one noticed til you brought it up, See.   
  
Blue Seeress: *holds up *keyboard** It's maaaagic. *types a few things*   
  
Wufei: *appears tied to a chair, wearing white pants*   
  
Duo: *appears, notices Wufei* Hold on! No one ties Wufei to a chair but me!   
  
All but Duo: *sweatdrop*   
  
Blue Seeress: Too much fucking information....   
  
Narrator: My virgin ears!   
  
Heero: Is there anything about you that isn't a virgin?   
  
Narrator: *blinks, then smiles at Heero* Are you volunteering?   
  
Heero: AAAAAHHHH!! I'M STRAIGHT, DAMMIT!   
  
Narrator: How you doing?   
  
Heero: *pulls out guns and shoots Narrator*   
  
Narrator: *dies*   
  
Blue Seeress: ARGH! Not killing! *ressurects Narrator*   
  
Narrator: Owww....   
  
Duo: *gets bored, sits on Wufei's lap*   
  
Wufei: *smiles*   
  
Heero: Get a room.   
  
Blue Seeress: Not yet, we have to pacify everyone. I don't want the slaughter to restart as soon as I leave. Please welcome...Jerry Springer!   
  
Narrator: *turns into Jerry Springer*   
  
Jerry: Wufei, do you know that Heero has been sleeping with Duo? And Duo, Heero has been cheating on you with the narrator! Wufei, is it true that you use your katana as a sex toy?   
  
Blue Seeress: Ok, never mind.   
  
Jerry: *turns back into the narrator*   
  
Wufei: *strains against ropes tying him to chair*   
  
Duo: Springer was really full of it.   
  
Blue Seeress: *looks at watch* I'm running out of time here, people. Wufei, what would keep you from killing Heero?   
  
Wufei: *considers* I guess if he took down the camera...   
  
Duo: And got rid of the files...   
  
Heero: But..but, I need the hentai!   
  
Blue Seeress: *makes an X-rated female porn star prostitute appear*   
  
Heero: Alright, I lied, I'm not really straight.   
  
Porn Star: *pouts, disapears*   
  
Blue Seeress: *turns narrator into sexy male model* Happy?   
  
Heero: *nods, scampers off with ex-narrator*   
  
Blue Seeress: *makes video camera disapear, too*   
  
Wufei: *stares*   
  
Duo: *drags still-tied up Wufei into their apartment*   
  
Blue Seeress: *hears disturbing noises from all sides* Alrighty then. Review, please? *disapears* 


	3. Heero's Microphone

Feel the love, everyone! This is the third part of the Heero's Electronics Saga. More parts on the way when I have ideas! Oh, by the by, the narrator in this one is NOT the original. The original is.......busy....but he's here under the name of Nick (based on a friend who will kill me if he ever reads this). Anyway, standard disclaimer applies.   
  
Heero's Microphone   
  
Blue Seeress: *buries face in hands* This can't be happening again.   
  
Narrator: Wufei is chasing Heero around the room screaming death threats in Chinese. Duo and our ex-Narrator are watching...hey wait a minute, Nick, Wufei's about to kill your koi, why are you just standing there?   
  
Nick: Haven't you seen the flashback?   
  
Narrator: Uh...no.   
  
Duo: See, cue it, would ya?   
  
Blue Seeress: Sure.   
  
Nick: Hey wait a minute, you made me beg last time I wanted you to cue a flashback!   
  
Blue Seeress: Stop whining at me. Wufei, sit.   
  
Wufei: Make me onna!   
  
Blue Seeress: Don't call me that. *types on her *keyboard**   
  
Wufei: *somehow ends up tied to a chair with a sock in his mouth*   
  
Heero: *kow-tows at the Blue One's feet*   
  
Blue Seeress: You know, this wouldn't be necessary if you'd stop spying on Fei and Duo.   
  
Heero: Well, no one's given me a mission in a while, I got bored.   
  
Blue Seeress: *rolls eyes, cues flashback*   
  
!!...FLASHBACK...!!   
  
  
(Fade in on the living room. Wufei and Duo are watching TV in their living room dressed...informally, to say the least. They are rather entangled.)   
  
Wufei: This show is injustice.   
  
Duo: *blinks sleepily* What's so bad about it?   
  
Wufei: The onnas are actually doing something. They should stay home and cook.   
  
Duo: Well, if you dislike it so much...*kisses Wufei*   
  
Wufei: *shifts into a more receptive position and kisses back*   
  
!!...BREAK IN FLASHBACK...!!   
  
Blue Seeress: I think we can skip this part.   
  
Everyone else: BUT....   
  
Blue Seeress: Eechi bakas. All of you. *fastforwards and resumes flashback*   
  
!!...RESUME FLASHBACK...!!   
  
Wufei: *shifts, hits something hard and round (SHADDUP!!! It's not what your dirty minds think it is!)* Nani?   
  
Duo: *pauses* What?   
  
Wufei: There's something on this pillow.   
  
Duo: *frowns* Really? What?   
  
Wufei: *pulls it out* It looks like....a microphone? *remembers the last time he found a suspicious electronic in his house* YUY!!!!!   
  
!!...END FLASHBACK...!!   
  
Narrator: OHHHH. 'o_O   
  
Heero: So THAT'S why he's chasing me this time.   
  
All: -_-'   
  
Wufei: *spits out sock* ONNA!! LET ME GO!!   
  
Blue Seeress: Not if your going to call me onna.   
  
Narrator: I still don't understand why you were letting Wufei try to kill Heero, Nick.   
  
Nick: He shouldn't be spying on them. It's not nice.   
  
Duo: Tell me, have you by chance met a guy named Quatre?   
  
Blue Seeress: *snickers* Quatre would have gone into Zero mode and screamed that they shouldn't be fighting.   
  
Wufei: *breaks out of chair and resumes chasing Heero* NATAKU WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN YUY!!!   
  
Heero: DAMN!! *runs*   
  
Blue Seeress: How the hell did he break out of my ropes?   
  
Duo: *attempts to hide scissors*   
  
Blue Seeress: *spots scissors* DUO!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!! *two knives appear in her hands*   
  
Duo: I thought you didn't approve of killing in your fics! *runs*   
  
Blue Seeress: I'm making an exception! *abruptly changes mind, Duo disappears*   
  
Duo: *reappears tied to chair*   
  
Narrator and Nick: What is with you and tying people to chairs?   
  
Blue Seeress: *shrugs* Narrator-boy, your not doing your job.   
  
Narrator: Huh? Oh, right. Wufei is still chasing Heero. He has his katana by the way. *pauses* You know what I've always wondered? Why does Wufei carry a katana? He's Chinese, so he should carry a Chinese sword.   
  
Blue Seeress: Blame the people who did Gundam Wing. Keep narrating, this is being televised.   
  
Narrator: Really?   
  
Heero: What! Your televising this! *trips over chair*   
  
Wufei: YEEEAAAAWWWW!!! (war cry, you know)   
  
Heero: AAAHHHH!!   
  
Blue Seeress: *types a few things*   
  
Wufei and Heero: *disapear and reappear tied to chairs*   
  
Wufei: DAMN YOU ONNA!! JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED BY THE GREAT-*a sock appears in his mouth again*   
  
Blue Seeress: I've asked you not to call me that.   
  
Heero: *breathes deeply, very happy to be alive*   
  
Nick: *sits on Heero's lap*   
  
Heero: *attempts to shove him of, but finds this very difficult when his arms are tied to a chair* You would have let him kill me!   
  
Nick: *makes puppy eyes[1]* See was there. She wouldn't let Wufei kill you.   
  
Heero: *death glare* But you would?   
  
Nick: *lower lip trembles* It's just...*wails* You don't love me anymore!   
  
Heero: *loses death glare* Huh? Nick, I...   
  
Nick: *still crying* If your so bored you have to bug their apartment you obviously think I'm boring!   
  
Heero: *tries valiantly to comfort Nick*   
  
Wufei: If this gets any more cloying I'll vomit.   
  
Blue Seeress: *smacks Wufei* Shut up. It's sweet. *blinks* Where'd the sock go?   
  
Duo: It wasn't me. I'm still tied up.   
  
Blue Seeress: Then how....never mind. I don't want to know.   
  
Narrator: Things are getting very kissy on Heero and Nick's side of the room. Wufei is muttering something...can you speak up a little, Wufei? I don't think the TV mikes can hear you.   
  
Wufei: *comments on what the TV mikes can go do to themselves*   
  
Narrator: Microphones have no asses.   
  
Wufei: *tells Narrator what he can go do to himself*   
  
Narrator: That sounds...difficult.   
  
Duo: *tells Wufei what he can do to him*   
  
Wufei: *smiles*   
  
Heero: That's a good idea!   
  
Blue Seeress: First, we've got to fix this habit of Heero's.   
  
Duo: *whines* But...   
  
Blue Seeress: Well, if you want Heero spying on you after he's done...   
  
Duo: Never mind. So, whatcha going to do, See?   
  
Blue Seeress: *turns to Heero* Yous guys is moving.   
  
Heero: Hn? My boss won't let me.   
  
Blue Seeress: *sighs* Not to Machu Pichu. I just talked with Trowa and Quatre. You're all moving into one of Q's mansions.   
  
All but Blue Seeress: How...?   
  
Blue Seeress: *holds up *keyboard** It's maaaagic.   
  
Nick: You said that last time.   
  
Blue Seeress: It's still magic.   
  
Wufei: How is that going to solve Yuy's problem?   
  
Heero: Are you implying that there's something wrong with me!?   
  
Blue Seeress: Shut up, Heero.   
  
Heero: *stares in shock upon being told to shut up*   
  
Blue Seeress: Wufei, Quatre's household staff will remove any and all bugs and cameras Monsieur le Perfect Soldier may try to put up. No worries.   
  
Narrator: What happens to me?   
  
Blue Seeress: We go home. After they are all safely moved. *types something on *keyboard**   
  
All but Narrator and Blue Seeress: *disapear* *reappear at Quatre's* *go for bedrooms*   
  
Blue Seeress: *lets Quatre know what's shaking (literally o_O)* Ok, I think that's got it. Review, pretty please. *disapears with Narrator in tow*   
  
[1]: Nick (which isn't quite his real name, anymore than mine is See) has HUGE deep brown eyes and he can look quite puppyish when he sets to. He's not quite as sissy as portrayed in this, although it is a known, admitted fact that he is gay and has a crush on Heero. He did tell me I could use his persona for this, therefore he can kill me, but he can't sue me. Yay. 


	4. Heero's Invention

It's here, the final part of the Heero's Electronics Saga! Called Heero's Invention for reasons which will become evident. Nick is a friend, Narrator Boy is not here, in case you forgot, and *sigh* I don't own any of the other characters.   
  
Duo: Damn right you don't! America is a free country where no man *pauses* *glances nervously at See* er....or woman may own another!   
  
Quatre, Heero, Trowa and Wufei: *come to the uncomfortable realization that they aren't American* *think* Not good.   
  
See: *arrives at similar thought* *grins*   
  
Narrator: But you're not REALLY american, Duo, you're from L2. And, techinically Sunrise Sotsu Agency has rights to your persona and what it is used for.   
  
See: Ah damn, I forgot about them. Oh well, let's get this party started.   
  
Nick: NO! *grips sides of head* Evil, evil song stuck in my head!!!!   
  
All others: *o_O   
  
See: Yeah....anyway....here we go.   
  
Part IV: Heero's Invention   
  
(Fade in on Quatre, who is sitting at his desk doing Winner Corp. things. Enter Wufei)   
  
Wufei: Why didn't you tell me about the new baka security feature, Winner? *holds up object* I nearly stepped on it!   
  
Quatre: *frowns* I don't remember any....let me see that.   
  
Wufei: *hands over object*   
  
Quatre: *frown deepens* We don't have anything like this. I don't even know what it is. Hang on. *pushes button*   
  
Rope: *dangles down into room*   
  
Security Officer Meguanac: *slides down rope* You called, Winner-sama?   
  
Quatre: Is this some kind of new security device? *holds out object*   
  
SOM: HOLD STILL MASTER QUATRE!! *shoots object* *blows smoke of gun barrel*   
  
Wufei: Injustice! You utter idiot!! Now we'll never know what it is!   
  
Quatre: Don't worry, Wufei. There's another behind you. DON'T SHOOT IT ISHTVAN!!   
  
Ishtvan (SOM): Damn. Very well, Master Quatre. *pockets gun*   
  
Wufei: *picks up second object* *holds it to his ear* It beeps. And it is made of metal. Thus I deduce it is electronic.   
  
Quatre: *gives Wufei a funny look* Ok....Sherlock Chang.....weird.   
  
Wufei: Furthermore, as it is beyond our technical knowledge, I further deduce that it is of recent developement. *begins to pace* Now, it also crawls around on these legs. What is electronic and has legs Watson-er, I mean, Winner?   
  
Quatre: A......robotic bug?   
  
Wufei: Precisely Watson!! Now think: why would anyone want to have robots infiltrate the establishment?   
  
Quatre: I'm not sure. Maybe.....to video tape our shower scenes and post them on the internet?   
  
Wufei: *looks disgusted* Holmes, we're international spies. Really, it's elementary.   
  
Quatre: *getting into this* I have it! To spy our movements, eh, Holmes?   
  
Wufei: Exactly my deduction! Now who has the motive AND the means for doing this?   
  
Quatre: Well, we beat Doomon Corp. out of a nice contract last week.....   
  
Wufei: Really, Watson. Look beyond the obvious, man! Could Doomon Corp. invent such a curious gadget?   
  
Ishtvan: *gives Wufei a funny look* Curious gadget?   
  
Quatre: Well, Holmes, come to think of it, I suppose not. But who would?   
  
Ishtvan: Curious GAGDET?   
  
Wufei: *pulls pipe from random place and begins to smoke it* Only one person, Watson, has both the means, and the motive.   
  
Ishtvan: Gadget. GAD. GET. What the hell?   
  
Quatre: You know, Holmes, Heero is really good with electronics. And he has a motive; the first one I men-   
  
Wufei: *shouts suddenly* PRECISELY!! *blinks* Great Nataku, why am I just standing here!? YUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! *throws pipe on floor* *runs down hall*   
  
Quatre: Astounding, Holmes! How do you do it!   
  
Ishtvan: Errr...Master Quatre? What's going on?   
  
Quatre: Oh it's nothing Ishtvan. Go back to your post. Wufei's just going to kill Heero, that's all.....*realizes what he just said* Wufei, STOP! WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING AT ALL!!!! *runs after him*   
  
Ishtvan: *stares after them* What kind of word is GADGET for the love of Allah? *shrugs* *picks up Wufei's pipe* *sniffs it* Oooo, Havanan tobacco! Sweet! *starts smoking pipe* I think I'll go get some tea.   
  
(scene two: in Heero and Nicks bedroom. Heero is sitting in front of computer, Nick is lounging on the bed)   
  
Heero: *frustrated* I can't call up #28.   
  
Nick: So.....?   
  
Heero: That means there's an entire section of the house I'm not scanning!   
  
Nick: You're taking this mission from Quatre awfully seriously.   
  
Heero: Hn.   
  
Nick: TOO seriously. In fact, I'm starting to wonder-   
  
(wufei bursts in, katana drawn)   
  
Wufei: YUY!!!   
  
Heero: Chang?   
  
Wufei: SHINE!! *lunges*   
  
Heero: ....not again...*dodges*   
  
Wufei: *imbeds katana in wall* K'so! *leaves it there to jump on Heero*   
  
Heero: Umf!   
  
(Heero and Wufei roll around on floor, Wufei trying to tear Heero's throat out*   
  
Nick: *drools at the slightly hentai scene*   
  
(Quatre runs in)   
  
Quatre: Wufei! Stop!   
  
Wufei: *pauses just long enough to flip Quatre off*   
  
Nick: Quatre, do you know what's going on?   
  
Quatre: Wufei found a new spying device of Heero's. Robotic bugs.   
  
Nick: Oh. Wait, you didn't tell him to make those?   
  
Quatre: No....   
  
Nick: WHAT! *hauls Wufei off Heero* DAMMIT YOU TOLD ME THOSE WERE FOR SECURITY!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!   
  
Heero: Nick-chan, I-   
  
Nick: *smacks him* HOW DARE YOU!!   
  
Wufei: *stares* I wanted to kill him....   
  
Quatre: *sighs* *pushes blue button on the wall*   
  
Blue Seeress: *appears suddenly* What the...? Who the...? Why the....? Huh?   
  
Quatre: We have a problem. *gestures*   
  
Blue Seeress: Ah. *snaps fingers*   
  
(Nick, Heero and Wufei are all tied to chairs)   
  
Heero: *scowls* I hate it when she does this.   
  
Blue Seeress: Well, fine, I could let everyone go...   
  
Wufei and Nick: YES!!!   
  
Heero: O_O No, that's fine.   
  
Blue Seeress: I've tried moving you. I've tried giving you alternate entertainment. I've tried letting Wufei put the fear of God into your heart. Nothing's worked.   
  
Wufei: Kudos on pointing out the obvious, onna.   
  
Blue Seeress: Shut up. We're going to do this kinder/psychology style.   
  
Quatre: Yes, well, I'll be going now....   
  
Blue Seeress: Do that. *faces tied trio* Ok Heero, you first. What precisely is wrong with subscribing to a hentai doujinshi mag?   
  
Heero: No live action, and some of the drawing is really awful and the plot stinks. With the video tapes, I catch all the action and what leads up to it.   
  
Blue Seeress: o.o I didn't expect that good of an answer...   
  
Wufei: Dammit, Yuy, buy some gay vids then! WHY US!!?   
  
Heero: Duo's creative and Trowa's flexible. And that just doesn't show up in doujinshi.   
  
Blue Seeress: *wishing fervently she hadn't started this* I'll bet. Ok, Nick, why do you mind?   
  
Nick: *glares at Blue Seeress* Gee, See-chan, why would I mind? I mean, aside from the obvious implications regarding his interest in me, and the fact that he calls me Nick-chan while he's thinking of those stupid vids....   
  
Heero: Nick, I never think about the videos when I'm with you.   
  
Nick: Liar!   
  
Heero: I don't! It's only you, Nick-chan. Everything else is just to keep me company when you're away.   
  
Nick: *holding back tears* Really?   
  
Heero: Really.   
  
Nick: Heero......   
  
(Seeress releases Heero and Nick, they collaspe into eachother's arms)   
  
Wufei: *gags* *turns green*   
  
Blue Seeress: *glares at him* You have the sensitivity of a gnat.   
  
Wufei: *glares back* I'd rather have the sensitivity of a gnat than the...*notices knives in Seeress' hands*   
  
Blue Seeress: DO go on, Wufei...   
  
Wufei: *pales*   
  
Nick: *finishes making out with Heero* *jumps on Wufei* *begins hitting him* YOU TRIED TO KILL MY HEE-KOI!!!   
  
Wufei: ITAI! *dodging* You did too!   
  
Nick: That's different!   
  
Blue Seeress: *sighs* *snaps fingers*   
  
Nick: *appears tied to a chair*   
  
Wufei: BAKA MORON! How dare you attack me! Try that again when I'm untied, spawn of injustice!   
  
Blue Seeress: Shut up, Wufei.   
  
Nick: Hey, how come you didn't ask him why he minds Heero's hobby?   
  
Blue Seeress: *stares* Tell you what. I'll ask and come back next year. Summarize what he ranted on when I get back, yes? That is, if he's done by then.   
  
Nick: Right....   
  
Blue Seeress: Alright, I'm taking one last shot at this. First, all the bugs are gone, and the security is being beefed up to be able to stop all future occrences.   
Wufei: When...? That's impossible!   
  
Blue Seeress: Say it with me:   
  
All: It's MAAAAAAGIC!   
  
Blue Seeress: Yah. Anyway, you *points at Wufei* will chill. You *points at Heero* will also chill. I'm also giving you a branch of spandex space, where you can let your imagination run loose when Nick isn't around to experiment on. You *points at Nick* will stick around as much as possible. There will also be group therapy once a week, whe everyone gets together and compares techniques. Got it?   
  
Wufei: Gets together.....   
  
Heero: To compare....   
  
Nick: TECHNIQUES!!? What, we're all going to sit around and discuss whose done what to whom and how every week!?   
  
Heero: Sounds kinky.   
  
Wufei: *in shock* An onna came up with a good idea...   
  
Nick: *smirks* I can't wait.   
  
Heero: *also smirks* Quatre might be a little opposed...   
  
Wufei: The clown'll bring him around. And Duo will be up for it.   
  
Nick: And you'll get to tell us what ELSE he's up for...   
  
(group smirk)   
  
Blue Seeress: O.O *didn't expect such eager acceptance* *exits hastily* Things you never wanted to hear....review anyway? Oh, by the by, this is the end of the saga. I'll be working on my other stuff, and this is the end of the plot anyway. Check my other stuff out too! Bai-bai for now! 


End file.
